past, present, future~

assalamua'laikum,,

sometimes aku terkejut dengan kata2 aku sendiri,,
bila baca balik post2 aku before ni,,
terfikir lak, camne aku boleh ada idea nak tulis benda sebrilliant tu,,
takbur jap,,
istighfar2,,, astaghfirullahal a'zim...
tak elok kau nak riak cam tu,,

kadang2 terfikir lak, apasal hampeh sangat apa yang aku fikir time tu,,
rasa cam down gile sampai rasa cam nak delete je post tu, tapi,,
sayang lah,, ada memori di sebalik post2 tu semua,,

and i hope sometime in the far future when i read it, i want to reminisce all the memories,,
tak kira lah memori pahit ke manis ke apa2 rasa lah,,

kadang2 when i read posts from 2,3 months back, i already need sometimes to think and to recollect what had happened at that time when i wrote them,,

i got a weak memory lah,,,
sometimes it's good and sometimes it's fatal,,

tadi baru je baca poems,,
lama rasa nye otak ni tak dihidang ngan poems yang membuat aku berfikir sejenak,,
and sangat lah rare untuk aku tertarik ngan poems,,
rasa macam dah lama otak aku tak berfungsi untuk menterjemah ayat2 puitis, untuk mencari isi2 tersirat poems,,,


it's nice once a while to do something yang memerlukan otak berfikir tapi interesting,,
since aku amatlah tak suka belajar,
so, i found that study need my brain to think but it's not interesting,,
so, once in a while when u get something interesting to think about, excited pulak,,

and once i got this one person to argue all my opinions,,
and i found that it makes my brain to function twice harder than usual,,
because i need to find a reason for my words before and at the same time i need to think of something that is flawless in that reason,,since selalunya that argument is spontaneous one, so need to think on the spot lah,,
and i found that i had so much fun arguing with that person,,

i dont like soalan yang mendadak but with that person i can argue spontaneously,,

i dont like giving out my opinion in public sebab aku tak boleh berfikir on the spot kalau dalam kelas or mana2 ceramah,,,
nervous terlebih kot kalau function2 macam tu,,,

missing the moments when we can argue even about the simplest thing,, even the misuse of a word can be the topic, sampailah ke struktur ayat yang sama tapi boleh membawa maksud yang berbeza...

ignore je rapuan2 kat atas,,,

perlu improve communication skills lah,,
since i'm bad at explaining things to others,,
explaining is 1 thing, even nak borak2 kosong pon sucks kot,,

i know i bad at communicating with others,,
i know i need to do something,,
if not, many will be hurt by my words yang tak sampai maksud seperti yang aku betul2 maksudkan,,,

make your tomorrow's self better than today's....

wassalam(^_^)V